I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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