It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
