dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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