Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
