dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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