i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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