I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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