Well apparently he's into motor boating.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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