Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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