My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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