I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
