His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
