My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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