Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
