you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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