Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
