I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
