Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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