dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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