it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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