I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
