I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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