i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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