she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
