McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Randomize
