Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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