so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
