You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
