i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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