i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
