I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize