Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
