Say something about gay babies.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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