your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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