I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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