i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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