I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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