i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
