remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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