no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
