if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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