WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
