I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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