dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
