At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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