Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
