Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Will exercising make me less horny?
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