You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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