I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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