It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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