Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She even gives head with a lisp.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
