just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize