if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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