I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
