We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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