my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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