I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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