My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Boobs are out for the taking
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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