How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
