I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
