Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
