do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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