My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
