we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
