trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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