If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
