He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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