how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
