why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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