Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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