you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
