I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
