my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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