Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
