I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
