if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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