Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
