You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
