how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
