Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry my hands just texted you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
